It is true that we can often be our own harshest critic. Personally, I am very hard on myself. If you point out how nice my yard looks, I focus on the unseen (or sometimes seen) weeds and flaws. If you ask me how I think my breakouts went after a conference, or how I thought it went after I preached, I cringe and focus on the flaws.
Hearing this you may think that I am a negative person but I am not. I generally try to seek the positive in things and encourage others. I can simply be very hard on myself.
In the spring of 2020, a new virus was spreading across the world. As it reached various countries, leaders began to shut things down, limiting activities and travel to try to “slow the spread”, or “flatten the curve”. I watched the virus travel and anticipated it reaching the United States and more specifically, my state. I listened as Asian countries shared how children and families were getting fatigued by having to view life through a computer screen. I had a plan in place for when the impact of the virus reached my door, my ministry. I was very content with the plan and how it was implemented and embraced by many. I did not seek “perfection” or “excellence”, I simply sought to reach children and provide resources to families.
As the pandemic and restrictions stretched through the summer and into the fall, I maintained planning for various scenarios, but one thing changed. My mindset and desire shifted from doing what I was able to do, to “excellence” in what I was providing. Being known as “Commander Bill” in Awana circles and beyond, I sought to provide a quality product that other Awana ministries could utilize during this time, and beyond. This desire for “excellence” had dire consequences in my home and my ministry, both locally and online. Let me explain.
If you noticed, I have put the word excellence in quotation marks. That was intentional. Excellence is defined as, “the quality of being outstanding or extremely good”. I wanted that outstanding, or extremely good production. The problem? I had average, not outstanding, nor extremely good, equipment, experience, and resources. That means it took me much longer to record and edit the videos being produced. That caused a delay in meeting deadlines (some were missed) and a backlog of work to be done to produce these resources for families and other churches. I began to expect more of my wife and became more of a producer seeking “excellence” and near perfection, than being a supportive husband. I added pressure on myself which at times vented toward my wife. I had a vision of what I wanted to produce, but not the time, nor proper resources.
I realized my error and realized that the definition of excellence that I should be focused on is, “doing the best with what you have, learning, and striving to improve.” I began to be more understanding, and supportive, of my wife as I placed her in roles that were out of her comfort zone.
I am not yet seeing things as I envisioned them originally, but I am working toward that goal. I am learning and producing with the time available and gathering resources as funds allow. There is much trial, error, success, failure, and tweaking, but I am pursuing the path I see God laying before me.
While I continue to seek excellence, I am content in the knowledge that I am providing resources for families to know, love, and serve the Lord Jesus Christ.
Are you focused on excellence – doing the best with what you have, learning, and striving to improve?
